Today has been another day spent pondering about how my life could have been so different right now. September 10, 2013, was my due date with Blessing #3. Would I be a mom of three boys, all born within 3.5 years? Would I have a one year old daughter right now? What would this little one’s unique quirks be? What would it feel like to snuggle this little one close? What would his or her voice sound like? Does this baby know how much I love him or her right now?
One of the things I treasure about being a mom is not just watching and celebrating milestones, (and we all know I am slightly obsessed with this!) but the little things too…like knowing that I need to pull socks out of Joel’s pockets while doing laundry. When he takes his socks off, that’s where he puts them for safekeeping. Or, how Micah loves to play with his hair while eats, it’s both endearing and gross, especially when we have peanut butter and honey for lunch. But, we’re coming up with some creative yet fun-for-him solutions.
I know it’s possible for Daelynn to smile and stick her tongue out at the same time. It’s been so fun to watch her personality unfold this year.
But as I question how my life would be different, I am at the same time, so thankful that I have Daelynn. She wouldn’t be here if Blessing #3 would have been carried to full term. I’m not sure what to do with all of these feeling: longing, sadness, joy, and thankfulness. It being one year after my due date I definitely feel less emotional but my longing to know this little one has remained the same.
If I could see this baby today, I would embrace him or her and not let go until I was pushed away. I would tell Blessing #3:
“I have missed, loved, and thought about you ever since Heaven became your home. I am thankful you are unconditionally loved and safe with our Creator. I wish your siblings and Dad could know you and I’m thankful that we all have the ability to spend eternity with you. Until it’s my time to join you, you will always have a piece of my heart. I love you little one.”